This piece came about when I was reading the label of one of my medications and noticed it was marked as being “incompatible with life” – a strange thing to read on something you're about to inject yourself with! I've known since I was quite young that I probably wouldn't be able to have children, due to medical conditions and the medications used to treat them. This wasn't something I thought much about when I first found out, but it has become more relevant as I've moved through child-bearing age. This poem is about all the things – both funny and sad – that run through my head when I'm asked about having children.

Helen Vivienne Fletcher is a children's author, spoken-word poet and award-winning playwright. She has a background in acting, and has worked in many jobs, doing everything from film editing to phone counselling. She discovered her passion for writing for young people while working as a youth worker and now helps children find their own passion for storytelling through creative writing classes. Overall Helen just loves telling stories and is always excited when people want to read or hear them.

Do you have children?
Do you want kids?
Are you pregnant?

My belly is full only of fatty foods
no child should consume.
My inability to adult
perhaps a sign I shouldn't parent.

I will never be a mother

but my shoulders are already heavy
with the heads and hearts
of those I carry daily.
Though I am childless
my femaleness requires that I
mother all who wish to lay their burdens on me.

I will never be a mother

because I cannot un-see
the gruesome tearing
from that documentary about 17-pound new borns,
which caused me psychological pain
seconded only, I imagine,
to the physical pain of actually giving birth
to a 17-pound new born.

I will never be a mother

time parenting my inner child
required first.
Adoption not an option
with health as haphazard as mine.

I will never be a mother

and when you tell me you think childless women are selfish
I will face those self-absorbed words
with the power of all my broken-ovaried,
and childless-by choice sisters.
Our womanhood no less than yours.
Female meaning more
than just ability to procreate.

I will never be a mother

and perhaps mother-earth will thank me
for the one less parasitic person
reaping damage across her skin

I will never be a mother

and some days those are painful words to say
my empty belly a gaping hole
of regrets and unreachable desires.

Other days those same words a blessing.
A choice made for me
instead of one left to me to make
never sure if it were the right one.

I will never be a mother

because every Sunday night, I inject myself from a vial
labelled incompatible with life.

The vile yellow liquid saving my life
while ensuring it is something my womb
will never bear.

I will never be a mother

but every year I am of child bearing age,
I will smile through the questions.
And I will never answer honestly.
Because if I do,
somehow I will be the one
to have made this awkward.